


Movie Night

by rinthegreat



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Post Season 2, it would be a shame if something were to happen to him, shangst, shiro angst, so there be angst here in case you can't tell, that's a nice shiro you got there, this is for Shangst Week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 09:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11355063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinthegreat/pseuds/rinthegreat
Summary: Shiro has a hard time coming back to the team.Day 5: Fear





	Movie Night

**Author's Note:**

> the title and summary are probably stupid.
> 
> betaed by [thislittlekumquat](http://thislittlekumquat.tumblr.com/) who is a saint and a scholar for putting up with betaing all the billions of fics i keep giving her.

The entire team’s already in the common area by the time Shiro gets there.  He pauses in the doorway, eyes automatically sweeping the room for danger.  He doesn’t find any.  Instead he finds: Pidge playing on what looks like a homemade Nintendo, Keith leaned back on the couch while sharpening his knife, and Lance lying with his head in Hunk’s lap while he regales both Allura and Coran with what Shiro assumes are stories of Earth.

Home.

“Hey, don’t just stand there.”

Shiro nearly jumps out of his skin when a hand lays itself on his shoulder.  He raises his cybernetic hand automatically, ready to defend himself, before he registers that there is no threat.

“Matt.  You scared the crap out of me.”

Matt grins at him and pats his shoulder once more.  “Sorry.  Should’ve known.”  He nods to where the team is lounging.  “You gonna join?”

“Uh, I’m thinking about it.”

“You’re thinking about it?  C’mon, man.  Don’t leave me hanging.  I barely know any of them.  Even Katie’s different than when I left.”

He and Matt spent the first few days following the rescue sleeping in healing pods, and they’d woken up right about the same time.  Matt seems to have adjusted quickly to his new surroundings, bouncing back to his old self easily since seeing his sister again.  Shiro, though, has been having a hard time.  He’s barely been able to face the team at all, avoiding training sessions and mealtimes in favor of wandering around the bowels of the castle or hiding in his room.

Keith had been the one to suggest it, of course.  He’d banged on his door when Shiro had managed to avoid the third dinner in a row.  “Lance is planning a reunion movie night.”

Shiro had just blinked at him, confused.  “Ok?”

“So stop avoiding all of us and come to it.”

“I…I don’t know…”

“Shiro…we miss you.  I’m not cut out to be the leader.  Please try to come,” he’d all but begged.

So here he is, hovering in the doorway.  And for all Matt complains about not knowing them, the team has accepted him whole-heartedly from what Shiro’s seen.  Even now, as Matt walks in and sits between his sister and Keith, they all greet him like they’ve known him forever.  They’re an accepting group, and just because Shiro went and got himself captured again doesn’t mean they’ll suddenly not accept him.  He should just walk in.

Lance spots him first.

He’s leaning over Hunk, gesturing wildly as he talks and a flick of his head results in him making direct eye contact with Shiro.  For a moment, they both freeze.  Thankfully, none of the others notice – Hunk picks up Lance’s story from where he left off flawlessly.  His mind flicks back to the last time they’d made eye contact.

Abruptly, Shiro turns on his heels and heads back to his room.

He can’t do this.  He doesn’t know why he thought he could do this, when clearly he can’t.  He just needs to go back to his room or maybe train for a while and just forget about everything – or at least try to, because it’s not like he can sleep or –

“Wait up!”

Lance is following him.

He’s not so rude as to just keep walking, so he stops and lets Lance catch up to him.

“Hey.”  Lance stops right in front of him, large grin spread across his face.  “Forget something?”

“No, I…”  Shiro trails off, not having thought of an excuse before opening his mouth.  His expression must give away his real intent because the smile slips off Lance’s face almost instantly.  Looking him in the eye is suddenly impossible.  Shiro swallows, searching around for something, anything else to stare at.

His gaze falls to Lance’s neck, the worst possible choice.  A purple bruise sticks out of the top of his jacket, marring his perfect skin.  If Shiro were to reach out, he knows it would match the exact size and shape of his thumb.  He knows if he were to push Lance’s collar out of the way, he’d see the rest of his hand splayed across Lance’s skin.

But Shiro doesn’t need to see it to know it’s there.

He doesn’t need any reminder of his and Lance’s last encounter in a hallway.  As if he could ever forget the voice in his head pushing him to _kill, kill, kill_.  How he’d raced through the ship searching for someone, anyone to destroy.

How the blue paladin was the first one to cross his path.

_“Shiro?  Oh thank go–“_

How the blue paladin didn’t even try to stop him from wrapping his hand around his throat and slamming him against the wall.

_“Shi…ro…”_

How he’d alternated between squeezing and relaxing his hand, watching the blue paladin’s face turn purple each time his air was cut off and how’d cough every time he was allowed to breathe.

_“Sh…”_

How he’d _enjoyed_ causing his former teammate pain.  How something had flipped in his brain telling him _enough was enough_ and it was time to kill him.

How the last thing he saw was red.

“Shiro?”

Shiro blinks, bringing himself back to the present.  Lance’s face swims into view, large enough Shiro can count his lashes.

Too close.

He jerks back, slamming his head into the wall behind him in the rush to get away.  “Shi– sorry.”  He manages to cut himself off before a curse can slip out.  “I’m just not…”  _Here_ , he finishes mentally.

Shiro should’ve known that wouldn’t be a good enough excuse for Lance.  “You’re ok,” Lance murmurs, comforting Shiro like he’s a terrified puppy. 

Like he deserves to be comforted. 

When he doesn’t respond, Lance reaches out and touches his shoulder.  Tentative.  “Shiro, it’s ok.  You’re on the ship with your team.”

He doesn’t deserve this, being soothed by Lance.  He doesn’t deserve to be allowed to wander around this ship unescorted.  He doesn’t deserve to even be _alive_.

“Shiro, calm down –“

“No!”  He explodes, pushing off the wall with the force of it.

Lance flinches backwards, and all the anger deflates back into self-loathing almost immediately.  “No, Lance, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell.  It’s just…”

“I get it, Shiro.  I really get it.”

“No, you don’t.  I tried to kill you, Lance.  How can you forgive me so fast?”

Apparently convinced Shiro isn’t going to flip out again, Lance steps forward again.  “Because it wasn’t you.  It wasn’t your fault.”

“How could it be anyone else’s fault?”  He feels hysterical, on the brink of full blown panic.  It’s almost worse than being in the gladiator ring or even the dreams that followed that.  Lance not blaming him is the worst thing he can imagine.

Until.

Lance is suddenly too close again, pressing his forehead against Shiro’s.  “It’s not.  I don’t blame you.  I’m not mad.”

Shiro can feel every point of contact between him and Lance, from their foreheads to the three fingers Lance has on his pulse.  Despite his best efforts, he wants more.  He reaches out with his human hand, brushing their knuckles together.  But he keeps his cybernetic hand firmly to himself.  It’s all he can trust himself to do.

More than anything, he wishes he could trust himself more.  Wishes he could control himself.

In another life, maybe he’d be able to grab Lance’s hand outright without fear of breaking his bones.  Or drape his arm across Lance’s shoulder without worrying that he’ll lose himself and strangle him…again.

In this life, though, Lance is the one who has to reach or grab or drape, and Shiro is the one who stands there with his knuckles barely brushing against Lance’s, just…waiting.

And waiting.

“Come watch the movie with us,” Lance whispers, not moving an inch.  He’s already forgiven him and the marks haven’t even disappeared yet.  So why can’t Shiro?

“You should hate me.”

The points of contact increase from three to five.  Lance’s nose brushes his and their chests bump.  Shiro’s heart nearly beats out of his chest – he’s sure Lance can feel it.  “I could never hate you, Shiro.”

Hero worship, Shiro knows, runs deep. 

But it can still easily be broken.  A wrong word, a glance the wrong way, any number of small things could shatter it completely. 

Yet here Lance is, pressed against him.  Telling him that he’s not mad about Shiro trying to _kill_ him.  “I don’t want to hurt you,” Shiro admits.

“You’re not gonna hurt me,” Lance whispers as if it’s the truth.

Shiro wants to believe it, wants to know in his soul that he won’t slip up and mark up Lance’s beautiful bronze skin again.  “You don’t know that.”

“I do know that.”

“Lance…”

“Just…kiss me, Shiro.”

A stronger man could’ve resisted, told Lance no.  Walked away.

But Shiro isn’t that strong.  He barely has to tilt his head to brush their lips together.

Kissing Lance is like nothing he’s ever done.  It’s like flying and falling and being in the ring and forming Voltron and graduation and…

And it’s barely the touch of their lips but it’s already too much.  Shiro breaks away, moving his head back so not even their noses touch.  His eyelids, which he hadn’t even realized were shut, flutter open.

“I can’t believe you kissed me,” Lance breathes.  He’s beautiful, so beautiful Shiro almost cries.

“You told me to.”

“I didn’t think you really would.”

His heart freezes.  “Did you…not want me to?”

Before he can say anything else, his mouth is suddenly occupied again.  It isn’t like the first time – Lance doesn’t hesitate like Shiro had.  He dives straight in, capturing Shiro’s lips with his own again and again until Shiro finally gives in.  He reaches up, cupping Lance’s cheek.  His skin is just as soft as Shiro had always imagined.

All too soon, Lance moves away.  Shiro chases Lance’s lips with his own, getting one more kiss before he’s too far.  “I will _always_ want you to,” Lance promises.

For a moment, Shiro forgets what Lance means, then the conversation comes rushing back.  “Lance, I –“

“Don’t say you regret it, Shiro.  At least not tonight.”

“I’ll never regret it,” he swears.

Lance positively _beams_.  “Come back with me.”

And Shiro…can’t say no to that.  His mind races a thousand miles an hour into the future, to the normalcy of sitting on a couch, draping his arm over Lance’s shoulders.  To dropping his head to Lance’s hair for no reason other than wanting to smell his shampoo.  To Lance leaning across him as Matt spills all of Shiro’s deepest, darkest secrets and Keith shushes them from the other side of the room.

But the bruise is still visible, still a very present reminder to Shiro of what he’d done.  “I don’t know, Lance. It’s –“

“Please?”

He hesitates, breaking down little by little.

“It’s just a movie.”

“…Lance…”

His fingers slide down Lance’s cheek, releasing their points of contact on him until there are none left.  Shiro only has a second to feel the loss before Lance’s hand is in his, pulling him off the wall.

Lance kisses him once more, too short and brief for Shiro to register until he’s already turned away, and leads him down the hall back to the common area.  He doesn’t resist Lance’s pull until they hit the door.  Shiro stops short.

“Wha – Shiro, what?  Why’d you stop?”  Lance doesn’t let him go, instead ricocheting back and nearly smacking Shiro in the chest.

“They…”  He doesn’t have a good way to finish that thought, so Lance does it for him.

“They don’t blame you any more than I do, Shiro.  I promise.  Besides…you can sit by me and I’ll protect you.”

The concept is hilarious, needing protection from everyone else, especially Keith.  “My hero.”

He expects a laugh, maybe a cocky _I know_ and a pair of finger guns.  What he doesn’t expect is the flurry of emotions that cross Lance’s features faster than Shiro can track before Lance throws his arms around him.

“Are you ok?”  This time, he’s the one who gets to ask the question.

“You smiled.  I made you smile.”  Lance sounds close to tears, inexplicably.  The words are accompanied by a squeeze before Lance lets go.  Completely this time.  “Ready?”  He doesn’t want to say no, not to Lance.

But he also can’t say yes.

“I…”

“You need to come back sometime,” Lance whispers.  Keith’s words echo through Shiro’s head.  _Shiro…we miss you.  Please try to come._

He finds himself nodding.  “Ok.  Just one movie.”

Lance rewards him with a soft smile and the ghost of a kiss on his cheek before he opens the door and leads Shiro in.  “Look who I found, guys.”

“Finally,” Keith rolls his eyes.

“Ok just in time.”  Hunk is on the floor with Pidge, scrolling through the tablet.  “I think we finally agreed on a movie choice.”

Lance leads them to the couch, letting Shiro sit on the end as he presses himself to Shiro’s other side.  Their hands never once part, something Shiro’s immensely glad the rest of the team chooses to ignore.

No one gives him any strange looks as Pidge and Hunk pile back on the couch, shoving Matt and Keith off to the side with twin “Hey!”s.  There’s no undercurrent of fear when the lights go down and the movie starts with a piercing chord that Coran declares “the opening of the best soundtrack in Altean history.”

Lance leans closer to him, dragging Shiro’s arm up and over his shoulder, as he settles in for the movie and for just a few hours, Shiro lets himself drown in the fantasy.

**Author's Note:**

> scream at me on [tumblr](https://rinthegreat.tumblr.com/) but maybe wait to yell too much till you get to tomorrow's angst fest.


End file.
